this is torturous, electricity between both of us

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The therapist told me my heartbeat was rewired to kill itself

instead of keeping me alive, that the light found in most peoples’ eyes

had shut off in my own from lack of electricity,

and my back was bent like the spine of a much-loved book

after years of putting myself down.

The day I sat in the therapist’s chair was the same day I realized

that I don’t need someone else to tell me what’s wrong with myself.

That no one knows me better than I do,

knows that underneath my skin there are ruby summer skies

just waiting for the storm clouds to pass,

knows that there are fault lines in my bones trying to break me open

but I will never let them tear me apart and shake me to the core.

That day I realized a licensed degree in therapy, combined with a couch and pen,

will never be a magnifying glass into my soul.

That I just need some time to work things out on my own

without the help of a person who doesn’t even know my middle name

and only wants to dig me up for inspection.

So when I went back to the therapist for my second session,

I left a note face-up on her chair.

“You don’t need to fix me.

I was never broken.”

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(by 年柑)
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Go! Bicycle Go! by halfrain on Flickr.
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